Last week I was interviewed on the HonestSpeaks blog by Rachael Blair for her Ordinary People series.
Rachael asked me about the inspiration behind The Eight of Swords, whether I believe in reincarnation and to reveal a secret (or something surprising about myself.) There are other great questions too - do head to the HonestSpeaks blog not only to find out more about me and my writing but to enjoy Rachael’s short stories, poetry and other interviews.
Le Canard Bleu
Daisy dressed very flamboyantly for our night out. I saw Scarlett wince a little as he floated down the stairs in an ensemble that plainly made him feel a million dollars. She managed not to comment much to my relief and left the compliments to me.
“Oh, you look, really er stunning Daisy.” Stunning seemed like a good word, he would be flattered by it and it explained how we felt for quite different reasons.
Stunned.
He kissed me on both cheeks leaving smudges of bright orange lipstick on my face. Scarlett moved back in time for his kisses to hit only the air.
“Have you worn that on stage yet?” Scarlett’s eyes traversed the length of his gold sequined gown and rested on the diamante platform size thirteen’s poking out beneath the hemline.
Daisy grinned to reveal orange lipstick smudges on his yellow teeth, “No this is the first outing, the christening, the debut!”
“Wow,” said Scarlett dropping me a crafty wink. “We must be off somewhere special then. Are we underdressed for you Daisy?”
He thoughtfully surveyed our outfits. I wore a dark blue dress, a scarf printed with a fish pattern and ballet pumps. Scarlett of course looked effortlessly glamorous in a cream leather mini dress; she wore her hair in a French knot and towered over me in caramel colour stilettos. I felt invisible next to them. “You’ll do.”
“Where are we going?” Excitement and curiosity coursed through my veins. Are we going to your club?”
Daisy stroked his latest wig, a platinum blonde number that spilled over his broad shoulders. “That’s an idea, we could do that later, not been there for ages. No, I found a lovely little restaurant in one of those eatery guides, I’ve not been there before but it looks lush.”
I guessed he’d learnt the word lush from the girls at the club.
We clambered into a taxi and I watched the driver’s expression as he caught sight of Daisy in his rearview mirror. He raised his eyebrows a little but managed to retain his composure, a quick glance at Scarlett seemed to reassure him he’d not been ambushed by drag queens, “Where to?”
“Le Canard Bleu, d’yknow it dear?”
“Nah mate, never heard of that one.”
“Madam if you don’t mind.”
Scarlett and I slid down in our seats wanting to disappear. The driver raised his eyebrows and muttered an obscenity under his breath. “Whatever. What street is it on?”
Daisy leant forward to show him the page he’d torn out of the guide. His perfume filled the cab, a pungent sweet smell of cinnamon wafted up our nostrils.
“Oh yeah, I do know it, recently changed ownership. Used to be The Pink Duck, but was closed down by health and safety I think. Wonder why they changed the colour to blue.”
“Never mind about that, it has good reviews now so shall we be on our way?”
“Right ho Duck,” said the driver and I couldn’t help but let out a snort of laughter. I could feel Scarlett giggling beside me and soon it became hysterics. Daisy held his nose haughtily in the air doing his best to ignore us. He adopted a different character when dressed as a lady, as if he thought anyone would really believe he was one with his broad shoulders, massive feet and square jaw line. I so wished my father could see him now.
It so happened Le Canard Bleu turned out to be a very friendly, relaxed place. Dasiy flirted outrageously with the waiters and they humoured him beautifully. For a few hours I found myself distracted from the worries of my aunt’s illness.
The wine flowed so freely the three of us soon became very merry.
Daisy excused himself to go to the toilet and Scarlett and I speculated which he would use and what a shock it would be for any man to find him in the gents. Our eyes followed him to the door marked ‘Messieurs’ and we sniggered. Then we forgot all about him because a muscular young man with the bluest eyes I had ever seen approached our table and struck up a conversation about the food. Typically his attention focused on Scarlett and she seem entranced by him so it was only me who saw a very red faced man come flying out of the men’s toilet, his eyes bulging and mouth gaping. I watched as he strode over to the bar and demanded to see the manager. Daisy sauntered out behind him, pulling up his knickers beneath his dress: so much for being a lady.
“What did you get up to in there?” I asked as soon as he reached the table.
The young man handed Scarlett a card, nodded goodbye, cast a glance at Daisy and rapidly retreated into the depths of the restaurant.
“Well what do you think?” He looked at me aghast. “I went for a pee of course.”
“But that man,” I pointed to the red faced balding man by the bar. “He came out in one hell of a rush, as if he were being chased.”
Daisy stared over at him. “He should be so lucky!”
“He’s asking for the manager.”
“Well he can ask away, I’ve done nothing wrong. Just used the urinal like any chap would do.”
We giggled at the image of Daisy in his gold dress hitching it up to pee.
“I don’t think he sees you as just any chap.”
Somehow the manager did a good job of placating man with the red face; he glanced over at us and smiled.
“Best send him over a brandy. Apparently he’s never seen a lady take a pee before.” Daisy’s expression remained completely deadpan.
In the end we didn’t feel like going on to Daisy’s club, we were too tired and too drunk to bother. We arrived home to find Maddy curled up on the sofa with Goddard. I wanted to ask if it was Frank’s night off but Daisy beat me to it.
Maddy let forth a string of expletives at him, “You drunk pigs, what you know, eh?”
Goddard sat up straight, “Frank?”
Maddy protectively grabbed Goddard’s hand. “Take no notice him, he drunk and trying to wind you up darlin’. Shutup you freak. Look at what you wearing, mutton dressed up like Olympic bloody flame.”
Daisy smiled a dangerously cool smile, “Frank left his Viagra behind. Do you want it Goddard? Then you too can make her scream with passion like he did the other night?”
I felt I should stop him going any further but he’d already gone too far. My head span with alcohol and I felt sick. “That’s enough you two,” I said weakly but as if I didn’t mean it at all.
Daisy couldn’t be deterred from sticking the knife in further, “Not that we all want another sleepless night. Stick something in her gob Goddard, to keep her quiet.”
I pulled at Daisy’s arm, “Come on, I’ll make us coffee.”
“He just jealous he no get no sex because he a freak, a FREAK!” screamed Maddy.
Goddard sat, staring at the floor, his pigeon chest caving in on itself. I wondered that she fancied him at all. Poor Goddard, Frank seemed to be an arrogant git, but it could not be denied his looks were far superior. “I think I’ll go home.” His weak little voice could barely be heard above Maddy’s expletives.
I fell into bed still dressed and passed out. The next thing I knew, spindly shards of daylight were poking through the curtains at me, shooting sharp hot pains through my head every time I squinted at them. Memories of the night before replayed like a movie I’d seen a very long time ago. I vaguely wondered if Goddard had gone home, if Maddy had killed Daisy and whether I would summon up the energy to call the agency. I groaned and turned over onto my front. I wanted to go to sleep again but the hangover pains and my rumbling stomach made me get up, grab a jumper and set off downstairs in search of a cure.
Armed with coffee and paracetamol I went into the sitting room to find Maddy curled up on the sofa next to a gently snoring Goddard. The pathetic little trumpet player hadn’t even summoned up the energy to leave. Maybe he actually loved Maddy. I found that hard to believe, I’d never met anyone so selfish. Perhaps one day she would fall in love and change. It wasn’t a scenario I could imagine. I decided to go back upstairs to my bed. As soon as I reached my room my mobile rang.
“I had to call an ambulance for Aunty Clara last night, she suddenly felt terrible. They think it might be a panic attack but are keeping her in for observation. Can you come over?” My mother sounded as if she were the one having the panic attack.
“To the hospital?”
“Of course to the hospital!” she snapped.
I told her I’d be there as quickly as I could. Shoving two paracetamol into my mouth, I took a gulp of coffee to wash them down then pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and scraped a comb through my hair. Grabbing my jacket, I tucked it under one arm as I brushed my teeth. My heart thumped in my chest. Calm down, I thought, it’s probably nothing.
I bumped into Daisy as I came out of my room. “Hey where are you off to? You look awful.”
I explained, hastily thanked him for our night out and jumped down the stairs eager to get away.
Typically everything seems to run in slow motion when you need to be somewhere fast. People fumbled with their change at ticket machines, the tube seemed to wait far too long at stations, people walked too slowly and when I got to the hospital the corridors were crowded with people who wouldn’t get out of my way.
Mother had told me I’d find my aunt in the assessment unit; they hadn’t found her a bed on a ward yet. I walked for miles trying to find it. Eventually a young woman grabbed my arm, “You look lost,” she said kindly. “Can I help you?”
Within minutes I found myself beside my pale aunt. She smiled weakly and held out a hand, “Hello you.”
I stared at the tubes in her arm. “What happened?”
“I felt bad but I’m feeling a little better now.”
She didn’t sound convincing.
“Bad how?”
“Oh faint and lots of pain in my legs, I could barely stand up. They feel, well they’re still aching but I think…” Her voice trailed off.
I poured her some water. The assessment ward housed eight beds. An old man groaned in the corner. The smell of poo crept up my nostrils. This was no place for my favourite aunt.
“Where’s Mum?”
“I sent her home to get some sleep. Don’t want her collapsing as well.” She smiled faintly. “Sit here and tell me about being a fish, I need distracting. You look pale yourself?”
“Night out with Daisy and Scarlett, need I say more?” I laughed a little.
“Oh well you must tell me about that then!” As she spoke she winced in pain.
“Well Daisy looked a bit like the Olympic flame in his gold dress and platinum wig, Scarlett as usual turned heads because she is insanely gorgeous and I swam with the flow like the little fish I am. We came home to find Maddy with her trumpet player who promptly had his illusions of Maddy’s faithfulness to him blown away by Daisy. Living in that house is like living in a constantly erupting volcano.”
Aunty Clara chuckled, “They are quite something aren’t they?”
“No one needs to watch Eastenders for drama where we live, let’s put it that way.” I stared intently at her. “Can I get you anything?”
“No dear, I’m too tired to read. It’s hot in here isn’t it?”
I nodded my head and wanted to say the smell of poo didn’t help but refrained from doing so. Perhaps she hadn’t noticed and I didn’t want to draw her attention to it.
“Tell me about being a fish.”
Why was she suddenly going on about my being a fish? Then a distant memory floated into my mind of her honeymoon trip. As a child she’d told me about how they went diving in tropical waters. Maybe she wanted to relive it. If it comforted her in anyway whatsoever, I would happily talk to her about my time as a fish.
I sat on the high-backed chair next to her bed, leant across and stroked her arm as I spoke. I felt like a parent telling a child a story, a fantastical story of aquatic creatures that had once been my companions in the London Aquarium. A life of swimming around a large tank, wondering about the faces behind the glass, not ever knowing I would become one of them. “I had a son,” I said, almost to myself, “I’ll never know what happened to him.” I told her about the conger eels, the hungry sharks, the divers who would occasionally appear to examine us. I had no idea why at the time of course, my fish brain saw them as weird aliens to be examined, but they were only there to check us for disease. It occurred to me that as a Ray I lived without fear. The aquarium was a protected environment, without any predators, no sea storms or oil spills, but a place of calm tranquility for us to exist and that’s all we did really: exist.
“Maybe that’s why I find this life a little bit much,” I gazed around the ward with the machine’s beeping and busy nurses, “I really miss the tranquility of the tank.”
Aunty Clara sighed, her eyes closed. “If only we could all live like that, in a place of beauty and peace.”
“Well it wasn’t exactly beautiful. Remember that book you showed me when I was little? I’m sure I would have preferred to live in those tropical seas.”
“You could get on a plane and visit them in this life instead. Nothing can stop you, except yourself.”
I didn’t know at that precise moment but I would carry her words with me for the rest of my life and pull them out of my subconscious whenever I became indecisive or scared. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give a person is positive words, but I only came to realize that with maturity. “I’m not going anywhere until you are better.” I said in the full knowledge that this might never happen. Then I realized something, not once had she said I was a fantasist or silly or having a laugh. She seemed to accept my memories as the truth. Only Daisy had truly made me feel normal for remembering my previous life up until now and I thought that had something to do with him wanting to be accepted for who he was too.
Suddenly she reached over and grasped my hand and held it as tightly as her weakened state allowed. “You will go though, won’t you?” she demanded, spittle forming on her lips, “Swear to me you will.”
I returned the pressure, “Yes I will Aunty Clara, I will.” At that very moment I’d have abseiled down the hospital building if she’d demanded it, but I resolved to do it, not only to please her but to satisfy my own curiosity.
“And another thing.”
I waited, somewhat concerned that there was another thing.
“Find a man who loves you, not some idiot who plays you around. This Ryan, well he doesn’t see your worth. Don’t waste your time on those that don’t realize your worth.”
I sucked in my breath; this was more difficult, I couldn’t help my feelings. “Hmm.”
“No hmm about it, there are good men in the world, don’t rest until you find one.”
I imagined myself as ninety and still looking. “Yes Aunty Clara.” I chimed like a ten year old in response to the calling out of the register.
Before I could be made to commit to any more demands I asked when Tammy and Christian were likely to arrive.
“I haven’t called them yet.”
My mouth dropped open. “You what? You better give me their numbers and I’ll call them. I can’t believe you haven’t called them, that’s crazy!”
“They are so busy, I don’t want them worrying and coming all the way back here to find I’m all right.”
“But you’re not all right.” My voice became a little shrill and the woman in the bed opposite glared at me over the top of her glasses. “Sorry,” I said and waved an apologetic hand. “They’ll be so upset if they find out about all this…” I wanted to say ‘too late’ but manage to stop myself just in time.
“They are so wrapped up in their own lives these days. I don’t want to disturb them. I haven’t spoken to Christian for nearly a month.”
I saw the pain in her eyes and suddenly felt furious. “Give me their numbers, I’ll call them.”
“Oh they are in my address book at home.”
“Don’t you have your mobile with you?”
“No, we left in such a rush.”
I felt my cheeks reddening in frustration and fury. “I’ll call them later when Mum gets here.”
“Let’s wait. I’m sure they’ll let me out tomorrow.”
“I don’t care. I’ll call them whether you are here or not.” I heard my voice crack with emotion and steadied myself, I didn’t want to upset her.
For the next few hours I never left her side, except to go pee.
© Petra Kidd 2013
Before I was born onto land… I was a fish
Also by Petra Kidd
You can connect with Petra Kidd via Twitter @PetraKidd or visit her
Facebook page here Petra Kidd Writes
The next chapter of Before I was born onto land I was a fish will be posted next Sunday.
I will never erase the image from my mind of Aunt Clara’s straight back facing me as I walked into the consultant’s room. She seemed so still and composed. I nodded to the consultant, a man with a very pale face and a cowlick fringe. Glancing at my aunt I said to him, “I’m Mira.”
“I’m Mr Wren, your aunt’s consultant.”
“I er know.” The nurse had told me his name, what a great doctor he was, how he ‘knew his stuff.’
Still Aunty Clara said nothing; she just sat rigidly staring into space. His tone and her demeanour told me all I needed to know but I kept silent. If no one said the words, there might still be hope this wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.
Mr Wren cocked his head to one side, like the bird in his name. “The tests have revealed a rapidly spreading cancer in your aunt’s bones, it is known as Ewing’s sarcoma. It’s quite rare and your aunt will need to go to a specialist center for more tests and treatment, luckily we have one not too far away. The first thing we need to do is start with a course of chemotherapy, as soon as the first course is done, we’ll operate.” He leant forward on the desk and clasped his hands together. “Your aunt will need a lot of care and attention, she’ll have to have radiotherapy too; she’s going to need all the support she can get.”
Still Aunty Clara sat rigidly and her expression suggested she were miles away, as if this were a strange dream. It didn’t seem enough to reach out and hold her hand. I wanted to ask the prognosis but didn’t dare. Instead I nodded and tried not to let the torrent of emotion that threatened to grip me take over.
“I will forward your notes to the appropriate departments and they will be in touch before the end of the week.”
“That’s quick,” I blurted out, horrified at the immediacy.
He narrowed his eyes a moment and glanced at Aunty Clara. “It’s best that we get on with treating you Mrs Armes, that way we can be sure of the best outcome.”
We left in a daze. Aunty Clara walked slowly at my side, holding onto my arm. I didn’t know what to say, so for a long time I said nothing. We took a taxi back to her house. I helped her in, helped her take off her coat, sat her in an armchair and went into the kitchen to make tea. I kept thinking I should call my mother and Tammy and Christian. Why weren’t they here? Why had we been left to cope with all this on our own?
Placing a mug of tea on the table next to her, I then fell to my knees, clasped her hands in mine and looked into her eyes, dark eyes, full of pain and confusion. “Mum said you had, er it, but we had no idea how bad.”
“Nor did I,” she breathed out the words with some effort. “I wouldn’t have let you come had I expected such dreadful news. I’m so sorry.”
“You’re sorry!” Incredulous at her thoughts for my feelings I squeezed her fingers tightly. “You must never be sorry. Thank goodness I did come; it would have been even more awful if you’d been alone. I must phone Mum.”
She gripped my hand, “No not yet, let’s just sit a while and think. I don’t want to cope with the reactions from other people just yet.”
“I’ll stay here tonight, you mustn’t be alone.”
She nodded weakly.
“Let me phone Scarlett, she’ll be waiting to put me through her torture sessions again, I don’t want her to be worried.”
Aunty Clara reluctantly released her grip.
“I’ll be right back.” I went into the kitchen to call Scarlett in private. Scarlett let out sounds of mortification as I told her what had happened; assured me bootcamp could wait and sent imaginary hugs across the network. Her sympathy made me well up inside. I took a few moments to regain my composure before going back to my aunt. “All done,” I said quietly and dropped once more to the floor beside her chair.
We sat for a while quietly holding hands and occasionally muttering about things that we needed to do but were in no hurry to.
It grew dark. I stood up to draw the curtains and switch on lamps. The room looked so much smaller than when I had been a child. The furnishings changed almost completely from how I remembered them, Aunty Clara loved interior design. “Can I phone Mum now?”
Aunty Clara shook her head, “Let’s do it in the morning, I’m so tired, I would prefer to sleep before breaking the news to everyone.”
“I can do it for you.” I didn’t sound convincing.
She smiled, “No my love, having you here is enough for now, I can make the calls.” Suddenly, for the first time since we’d returned from the hospital, her features came to life again. “You must be hungry, I think there’s soup in the fridge and I bought some fresh rolls this morning, and if we’re really lucky there might be some chocolate cake left.”
We picked at the food I found in the fridge. Really we were too exhausted to eat but we knew we needed sustenance. I saw my aunt to bed then retreated to the blue room where I’d stayed as a child. Nothing had changed in there. Instead of magical, it now seemed cold and unforgiving. I curled up in a ball on the bed and sobbed myself to sleep.
The night brought intermittent rain showers that kept waking me. Each time I woke I remembered the terrible news and lay in a kind of waking nightmare trying to imagine what would happen next. I knew very little about cancer, only that people became horribly ill with it, sometimes they died and sometimes they lived for quite a considerable length of time. There were so many types, so many ways it affected people. I vaguely remembered a teacher who’d left school because of it but she hadn’t taught me so I didn’t pay much attention. Given my aunt’s reaction to Dr Wren’s words I instinctively chose not to ask for a prognosis. She hadn’t said much as we ate that evening, she seemed too exhausted.
I lay wide awake through the early hours, my mind racing through the happy times we’d had together and how the treatments might affect her. I resolved to be there for her as much as I possibly could be.
My mother arrived with us just after noon, she looked tired and her eyes were red. She embraced my aunt and held me tightly before disappearing into the kitchen to make tea. Aunty Clara had called her that morning; she seemed more together after what she described as a wonderful sleep. She kept saying that all would be well. I wondered whether she was trying to convince us or herself. “I don’t want any fuss; we’re to carry on as normal.”
I shrugged, “Whatever that is.”
“Well you wouldn’t know,” she smiled. “You were a fish so you’re not normal now are you?”
Her teasing tone brought a rush of relief to me; her spirit seemed to have returned. “No, one thing I’m not is normal”. We laughed.
“Shall we all go to the cinema? There’s a film I really want to see before I start treatment, I think it’s still on.”
While she was upstairs finding her coat and shoes my mother told me she would be staying here now so I wasn’t to worry, I could go back to the house if I wanted to.
“I’ll come with you both when I can,” I said, feeling awful that I had to leave. “I mean to the treatments.”
“Don’t worry about that, just come here whenever it’s possible for you dear, that’s the important thing. We’ll need you to keep us entertained.”
I thought of the entertaining Scarlett wanted me to do at the club and sighed. “Of course, I’ll pop over at the weekend.”
We spent the afternoon watching a very silly comedy in a virtually empty cinema. Afterwards we discussed it over hot chocolate and wicked cream cakes in a very nice city hotel. Then I left them and caught the tube to make my way back to the house. Mother had given me fifty pounds to tide me over until I started the next job. I really ought to sort myself out I thought. As much as I dreaded going to do my stint at the club, perhaps a regular job there for the next few months would be helpful. It would free me up during the day to be with them both.
Another disturbed night, Maddy brought Frank home and they spent the night groaning and squealing their way through apparently passionate sex. I rather wickedly wondered if he thought Scarlett might be home and trying to impress her by making Maddy scream in ecstasy as loudly as possible. Even a pillow over my head couldn’t drown it out. It wasn’t as if I could stomp in and tell them off, the last thing I wanted in my mind was the image of hairy Frank and Maddy locked together in some Karma Sutric pose. Despite his best efforts Scarlett would be at the club and happily for her oblivious.
Eventually they exhausted themselves and I fell into a deep stupor of sleep, vowing as I lost consciousness to write out a set of new house rules to present Maddy with first thing.
I managed to sleep until ten o’clock then woke to the sound of a motorbike revving in the street below. One day I would go back to live in the country, cockerels were quiet compared to city and rampant Maddy sounds.
The pair of them appeared in the kitchen just as I poured a bowl of cereal. Frank gave me a smug grin. “Hope we didn’t disturb you last night?” Obviously he couldn’t care less if he had.
I kept my expression blank, “Didn’t hear a thing, too exhausted.” What an egotistical git.
“Any coffee going?” he grinned and I guessed he thought he was being charming.
“In the cupboard, kettle’s just boiled, help yourself.”
Maddy stared at me, “What’s up with you?”
I’d waited on her too many times and now she expected it as a matter of course. “I thought you two split up?”
Grumpily she flung open the cupboard door and pulled out a jar of instant coffee. “It just happened.”
“She can’t keep away from me,” smirked Frank pulling out the chair next to me and sitting down. “No Scarlett today?”
“Not seen her no, Goddard on tour again Maddy?”
“Er yuh. Where is sugar?”
I pointed to the caddy where we kept the sugar marveling at the fact she’d lived in the house much longer than me and still didn’t know where things were. I’d fallen straight into the trap of doing things for her but those days were at an end.
Then, to my delight Daisy appeared, trailing a long pink dressing gown train behind him. He glided in like the diva he’d become. Marvin’s championing of him had worked wonders for his self-confidence. I jumped up to make him coffee and switched on the grill to toast bread for him. Maddy glowered at my sudden animation.
“Darling, where have you been?” He wrapped his long arms about my shoulders and theatrically air kissed my cheeks. He turned to Maddy and Frank, “Ooh look at you too in your sexual afterglow, you been taking Viagra Frank?”
Frank shifted in his seat and gave a nervous little laugh. “Kept you awake then?”
“Half the street I should think, you naughty boy. Must try Viagra some time, any side effects?” Daisy stared at Frank so hard I could almost see the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.
Frank coughed, “I wouldn’t know, I don’t take it.”
“Oh is that so?” Daisy frowned and withdrew a packet from his dressing gown pocket. “Hmm I wonder who these belong to then, I found them on the floor outside Maddy’s room.” He threw them onto the table, “Well you may as well have them sweetie, it’s not like you’re getting any younger.”
A cereal flake went down the wrong way and I started to choke. Daisy reached over and slapped me on the back. “There there dear.”
I thought my lungs would burst trying to choke back my laughter.
Maddy pulled at Frank’s arm, “Let’s go, I not staying here for the freak to take the pees.”
“Tootle loo.” Daisy waved them off, rattling the pills Frank left behind. “Sweetie you forgot these!”
“Daisy you are quite brilliant!” I reached up and hugged him. “Bet they don’t bonk so loudly in future.”
He touched his temple, “Psychology m’dear; works every time. Don’t know who he thinks he is. You poor love, you must have been kept awake with your room being next door. Thoughtless idiots! How are you?”
I burst into tears.
“There, there, don’t cry, whatever’s the matter?”
I explained about Aunty Clara. “I don’t know how long she’s got, it’s awful. I don’t know what to do.”
“Oh babe, that’s so sad.” He sat hugging me tightly for some minutes. “And then you come home needing to sleep and you had to listen to Mr Big Balls and the midget pretending they were in a porn film.”
I laughed, “Oh Daisy, you are too funny, thanks for being so kind.”
“Listen, I’ve been earning so much more at the club, I want to take you and Scarlett out for dinner at the weekend. That’ll cheer you up.”
I smiled at him through my tears. “Oh Daisy, I do love you. Looks like I might be working with you soon, filling in for Scarlett.” I explained the Ryan situation. He opened his eyes wide, “Ooh er, he doesn’t know about his sister? My goodness, he will get surprise if he recognizes you. Will he have Digby with him?”
The thought hadn’t occurred to me, I shuddered at the thought. “Oh I hope not!”
“Never mind, we’ll look after you. Now, go back to bed, I’ll pop out and get us some goodies to eat and we can spend the afternoon on the sofa watching old films and having a natter.”
“I should be looking for temping jobs.”
“That can wait until tomorrow, now upstairs, get some more sleep and we’ll have a lovely afternoon chilling.”
They ought to prescribe Daisy on the NHS; I thought as I trudged up the stairs, everyone would feel happier if not better in no time.
© Petra Kidd 2013
Before I was born onto land… I was a fish
Also by Petra Kidd
You can connect with Petra Kidd via Twitter @PetraKidd or visit her
Facebook page here Petra Kidd Writes
The next chapter of Before I was born onto land I was a fish will be posted next Sunday.
Josie’s husband of twenty-two years, three months and eight days stared at her from across the restaurant table. ‘A housemaid, what do we need a bloody housemaid for? That’s your domain, who are you all of a sudden Lady Muck?’
A pretty young waitress reached across to take his plate, his eyes swivelled up to meet hers and charm positively oozed from his lips. ‘I enjoyed that thanks. I like your top by the way, very becoming.’
Smiling graciously the waitress turned on her heel and headed back to the kitchen.
‘I want more time to myself, I didn’t used to mind keeping house but I could do with some help.’
From the day they married, homemaker had become her role. She’d given up her burgeoning career as an accounts manager to look after her successful young husband and prepare the nest for the twins she soon produced as a result of their fervent lovemaking.
Determined not to grow into a frump, throughout their marriage she’d maintained her good looks with regular exercise and wore expensive clothes to accentuate her good points. Whatever her efforts, her husband soon seemed not to see her, he no longer bestowed compliments or spoilt her with unexpected gifts. Instead of asking about her day, he would ask about the boys, what was for dinner and the television would be switched on in search of sport a few minutes after he arrived home from work.
When invited to company dinners he would seat her between other wives who spent the evening complaining about their husbands while he sought out pretty secretaries to flatter. He would transform from bore into Mr Charming the minute any attractive woman returned his glances.
As the boys started sixth form, and spent much of their free time out with friends, Josie found herself alone, staring at unwashed socks and pants and waiting for the call from her husband to tell her he would be late, again.
Sundays they would go out for a walk in the morning, stop at the local pub for lunch; then return home where he would snore all afternoon in front of the television. Sometimes his mobile would ping with a message and she knew it would be from his latest ‘bit on the side.’
She knew about the ‘bits on the side.’ Call it a woman’s intuition, or just plain perception. Every once in a while he’d suddenly become most particular about his laundry, nothing she could say would be right and there would be weekly evening meetings that none of the other executives seemed to attend according to the wives she knew well enough to ask. He’d make critical comments and belittle her in front of their friends at every opportunity. She let it wash over her for the most part, occasionally retaliating with a sharp retort but generally taking it as her lot in life, the downtrodden wife.
A crystal ball would be a useful tool for women she thought from time to time, but then few would probably ever get married. She could remember happy times during their marriage but every time he charmed another woman she swallowed the insult as if it were a very bitter pill. And with each pill her resentment grew like a cancer.
Now middle aged, they lived in a perfectly charming Edwardian house in a village with amenable neighbours, well kept gardens, annual events and a parish council intent on keeping everything idyllic. Who’d want to upset the apple cart? Well not Josie, not until now.
‘Well that’s all very well, but how are we going to pay for it or her should I say?’
Josie smiled and thought of all the hotel rooms, expensive restaurants and lavish little gifts he’d treated his floozies to over the years.
Her little job as a part time sales assistant in one of Millwell’s boutiques paid peanuts. Max always called it ‘your little job’ with some derision. He didn’t like her working. You could describe their marital arrangement as somewhat old fashioned.
She poured herself some water and took a sip. ‘Marie-Ann knows a Thai girl who is here for a year and looking for work, I thought she’d be ideal.’
Max shifted in his chair and tried not to show his sudden interest. ‘Oh yes, is that right?’
‘Yes.’ Josie tried to sound nonchalant. ‘Apparently she’s adorable, and according to Marie-Ann, terribly pretty.’ She watched his face carefully to note the expected response.
After a moment or two, obviously trying not to appear too enthusiastic he said, ‘That’s all very well but is she any good at keeping house we don’t want someone pretty but vacant and there’s quite a bit to do?’
Revenge Double: What Lurks Beneath and A Dish Best Served Cold
Available from Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com, you can borrow for free via Amazon Prime
So which side are you on? Despite just having published two short stories about revenge I have to say that on a personal level I am on the side of Karma because quite frankly I think life is too short for revenge.
Luckily I have been in few situations where I’d want to take revenge anyhow. You don’t seem to read so many of those media stories these days where a wife cuts all the sleeves off her husband’s shirts or empties a suitcase of his clothes onto the street. Unfortunately many stories take a more sinister turn and real damage gets done, nothing is worth that, however badly you have been hurt.
Life is for living and loving. If someone hurts you, my philosophy is to move on and make the most of the people who do care about you. Why let it ruin your life? Don’t let that person win. They say the best form of revenge is success so concentrate on that and being happy.
I do believe that karma tends to triumph, even if you don’t see it happening, I think you can rest assured that people who do bad things pay for them in some way or another. Meanwhile you can get on and get busy with your life, which is far more important.
My two short stories are pure entertainment. Although in real life I don’t believe in taking revenge, let’s be honest here, we all love to see a baddie get their come-uppance and in the realms of entertainment it provides a certain satisfaction.
Meet Josie and Tara who deal with their unfaithful husbands very differently. Josie takes her revenge into her own hands in a quite a unique way, she employs a housemaid with a difference. Tara on the other hand has been given a helping hand by fate and she turns that to her own advantage. They’ve both been hurt, are ready to move on and leave the husbands who didn’t love them enough, to their own karma.
My Revenge Double, What Lurks Beneath and A Dish Best Served Cold are available on Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com. Amazon Prime members can borrow for free.
I hope you enjoy them and please be sure to let me know what you think!
What Lurks Beneath and A Dish Best Served Cold have been published on Amazon, two short stories with one theme – revenge!
In What Lurks Beneath Josie has finally had enough of her husband’s philandering ways and sets out to teach him a lesson he will never forget. She waits until her twin boys are away at university then hires a new housemaid, with a difference…
Tara finds that revenge is A Dish Best Served Cold and takes her unfaithful husband out for an expensive meal to coolly tell him she knows what he’s been up to. He’ll have an even bigger shock when he gets home..
Also available to customers outside the UK via Amazon.com
Great news for Amazon Prime members because you can borrow this book for free!
If you don’t own a Kindle, you can download the app to your PC, tablet or smartphone for free.
Happy reading!
Also by Petra Kidd
Hello
I am very happy to announce that my Revenge Double will be published as an eBook on Sunday 12th May and will be available via Amazon. If you don’t have a Kindle you can download the app for free to your pc, mobile or tablet.
The Revenge Double comprises two short stories: What Lurks Beneath and A Dish Best Served Cold. Two different women with one thing in common: unfaithful husbands. They exact their revenge in very different but entertaining ways.
If you happen to be an errant husband, oh dear, I have to warn you, these stories may leave you with sleepless nights!
