I hope you don’t mind me calling you Rodney. After reading your letter of the 25th I feel that I know you exceptionally well. I have to say that I am very moved by your story and feel compelled to help you in some way.
Unfortunately the lottery win of £70 was spent before I had even collected it. Having four hungry children and a wife who loves shopping I didn’t actually get to spend any of my winnings. I too, was short of a digit or two. If I had had only one more digit I would have won £101,000 and no doubt I could have afforded to send you your fare to Little Laveringham. However, I would not recommend coming here any time soon, the locals do not welcome even able-bodied new comers.
I have been giving your plight some serious thought and looking at possible ways for you to earn a living. You could join the Para Olympic team, though you would have to avoid sport that required you to close one eye to take aim such as darts, archery or shooting. However, you could try the synchronised swimming team, if you lost your other leg too you would earn the nickname ‘Bob’.
Anyway, I must be going now, as I have to collect my £1 winnings from a scratch card I purchased at the weekend. And before you pen another letter, yes I have spent it already. Keep smiling, if that is if you haven’t developed bells palsy and I hope not to hear from you again unless you have some good news for me.
The Lottery Winner
Footnote: I emailed back that Rodney is far to busy tracking down the people who won 66m on the Euro Lottery to respond.